I got very exicted by the initial announcement for Metal Hammer’s Defenders of the The Faith II tour. Dimmu Borgir and Lamb of God on the same bill? Yes, we very much would like that please. What we weren’t so sure about was the first support act announced, LA’s Five Finger Death Punch. They’ve passed by my personal metal-radar, so I off I went to their MySpace page for a bit of investigation.
Oh dear. Embarassing, isn’t it?
It’s like someone took all the worst bits of nu-metal (overly macho posturing, sub-Corey Taylor barks, cringeworthy lyrics stuffed to the guts with clichés) and the worse bits of scene-metalcore (random clean-singing, unimaginative and hackneyed solos, breakdowns lacking any real crunch) and combined them into one of the most uninspired belch of generic metal possible. These boys make Disturbed (almost) seen credible.
I was praying for a glimmer of something to elevate this – two members of the band used to be in W.A.S.P, so I was hoping at least for some OTT stupidity in some form or another – but there’s nothing. Five Finger Death Punch are exceptional only in their capacity to be unexceptional in every way. At least they’ll give us (and everyone else) a chance to go to the bar during Defenders of the Faith.
“Step to me, step to me motherfucker / zip your lip, you’ve run out of time.
Step to me, step to me motherfucker / Talk the talk, now walk the damn line”
Actually: please just fuck off.